In Singapore, we do not hesitate to invest in our children’s academic capabilities and nurture their interests. In this environment where non-emotional skills such as thinking and strategising are critical, we may neglect the need to teach our children about love.
Emotional health is just as important as physical health. Emotionally attuned children grow up being familiar with handling their feelings towards what they experience, be it good, or bad. They gradually become emotionally ready to handle more and more life experiences and have the capacity to form connections, support and bond with people around them.
In exchange for their loving energy, they will also experience the same connection, support and belonging, which they can trust and rely on. Love may then not seem like something confusing, disarming and seemingly unattainable in life for our children.
Teaching children to feel love
We feel that the crux of helping children be in touch with their feelings, which will, in turn, help them connect with feelings of love, lies in whether we, as parents, are attuned to feelings as well – both our own and our children’s.
The difficulty level of having to be emotionally involved lies in the upbringing of our children. However, as emotionally challenging as it may be, we won’t be able to transfer what we don’t feel. Hence, if we begin with our own store of feelings and awareness, we’ll be in a better position to encourage our children to feel their way around, as and when the situation arises.
Read also: What Not to Do to Your Introverted Child
Activities that teach love to children
We feel that the best teachable moments need to be organic and treasured as they happen in life, but here are some suggestions on activities that teach love. These may give rise to opportunities for our children to grow in confidence towards the feeling of love.
1. Read stories that help your children recognise feelings of love
Children have vivid imagination and senses that can be triggered by stories of love. Well-written stories such as “The Gift of Nothing” by Patrick McDonnell, “Princess Hyacinth (The Surprising Tale of a Girl Who Floated)” by Florence Parry Heide, “Cowgirl Kate and Cocoa” by Erica Silverman and “The Wonderful Things You Will Be” by Emily Winfield Martin help bring your children through different types of feelings of love while providing enjoyment for you and your children.
2. Share the ways you like to feel love and ask your children for theirs
Talking about your love languages might seem like a big concept for younger children, but it can be approached with simple questions such as “what makes you feel like you are loved?” or “How do you know when someone loves you?”.
In turn, you can share about what triggers your own feelings of love. Exchanges of feelings like this enable both you and your children to open up about delicate feelings.
3. Share about the people you love and ask your children for theirs
It may help your children to relate their feelings to people they have loving feelings for. In another sense, an awareness of the presence of loving people and people you and your children love can be a good reminder that there are plenty of people who care for and love you.
4. Talk about different concepts in love
If you try out the above two activities, it is also an opportunity to explore other ideas of love. Some examples include whether love is being unlimited and endless to give and receive, whether love is conditional, or not, as well as what qualities feel loving and what qualities do not.
5. Have your own sign that means “I love you”
A child would be thrilled to have his very own sign language with you that can communicate your love for each other. It invokes a sense of belonging, like a secret that is only known to the family.
Gestures such as squeezing your palms three times, or a secret hand sign, or even a secret sequence of hand signs you can use to send messages of love without verbally communicating will work.
Bonus – these signs are effective ways to calm nerves during high-tension situations such as just before a competition, or performance, when you may not be able to speak with your child.
6. Make something for someone you love
Handmade items such as a card or other handicraft that requires effort from the maker, has the ability to make the receiver feel loved. One opportunity to talk about feelings with your children is to work with them on making gifts of love for their favorite people and discuss how they feel afterward.
Read also: Science Says Being Kind Makes Kids Happy – 5 Tips for Raising Kind Kids
As daunting as it sounded at the beginning, we hope these activities that teach love will be able to kick start a deeper connection with your children while nurturing them to be emotionally ready for life experiences as they come along.
If you have other ways of connecting with your children, do share!
