I remember when my kids were kindergarteners, they could not wait to tell me about their day in school.
As soon as I pick them up from school, they will regale me with stories of who they played with, which kid did what to who, what happened during playtime and what they learnt in class that day.
Some days I don’t even have to ask how their day was. That’s how eager they were to share their day with me. And if I’m “lucky”, I even get repeated telecasts of the daily events.
When they entered primary school, for some unknown reason, the flow of intelligence begin to dwindle. I find myself working harder to extract any news of their day.
“How is your day?” will only yield the standard “good” or “fine” answer. Any further probing from me might be met with an exasperated seven-year-old eye-roll or an impatient, “it was good, mum”, followed by an annoyed “stop asking me” look.
How to get your children to talk about their day
It was frustrating to say the least. The more they keep mum, the more I needed to know what was going on.
After a few trials and errors, here’s what I figured how to get children to talk about their day.
1. Timing Is Key
I realised that my kids need some breathing room after a long, hard day in school. So instead of bombarding them with questions as soon as I see them, I wait for their cue. Every child has a different modus operandi.
For example, my daughter prefers to chat during meal times while my son is more open to talk just before bedtime.
Tip: Find out what is the best time for your child to open up and talk to you.
2. Special Time or Date Nights
I find that my kids are more open to talk when we have our “special time” together. Over a meal, or doing some activities on our date nights, my child will share their treasure troves of information on friends, teachers and growing pains.
Tip: Go on individual dates with your kids to get them to open up.
3. Activities – Do things with them
Another way my kids open up to talk to me is when I am doing an activity with them. The activity could be preparing a meal, going for walks or running an errand. The rides to and from destinations can also be a good time for us to talk.
Tip: Get your children to talk about their day by involving them in activities they can do with you.
Read also: How I Mother My Daughters
Tip: Pick the “right time” to catch up with your kids about their day in school.
How to get your child to open up
Under the right conditions, kids are always happy to share with their parents. They will disclose their relationships with their classmates or school teachers and reveal the challenges they face with school assignments.
I noticed that they open up and talk to me when the following conditions are in place:
- The environment or vibe is “chill” or relax. So, dinner time and the time before they go to bed are prime catch-up time for our family.
- Follow their lead. Let your kids lead the conversation. Go with their flow and talk about topics that interest them.
- Listen in a relaxed manner. Try to not interrupt when your kids are telling you about their day. Paraphrase their messages occasionally to demonstrate that you are paying attention. Listening is an acquired skill that gets better with practice.
- Acknowledge what they say. Agreement nods, appropriate facial expressions, and/or relatable sentences like “I can see why this happens… or why you feel this way…” or “That must be not feel good…” demonstrates your attentiveness and understanding.
- Gently probe for more information with open-ended questions. Sometimes, you need more information or to gain clarity about the topic your child is sharing. It’s okay to ask them. Try asking questions beginning with “how” or “what else” to draw them to talk more.
- Refrain from interrupting, or going into mum-mode and start lecturing. This was challenging for me at first. I had to really bite my tongue and hold back my “adult wisdom”. Rest assured, you will get better with practice.
- Laugh. Be funny. Be silly. When the kids see you as being “one-of-them”, this is a powerful motivator for them to open up.
- Respect their sharing. My kids will talk about their day when they feel “safe” to share information with me. When they treat you as their confidante and tell you things, be mindful not to divulge their private sharing with you about their social relationships in school. Ask for their permission before you speak to their teachers about their schoolwork challenges. Remember that school is your child’s network and work space, so before you jump in with your solutions, check in with him/her first.
Read also: 5 Ways to Be a Happier Parent – How to Find Joy in Parenting
We hope the above tips help you have engaging and fulfilling conversations with your children.
