Parenting can be daunting. It is a huge investment of time, money and energy. From the time you wake up, to the time you sleep, the amount of interaction (or struggles) with your children, and the sleep deprivation that follow make it hard to find joy in parenting.
With the rise in dual-income families in Singapore, the stress at work makes it harder for both parents to find time to do the things they truly enjoy. Even the Singapore Government has realised this and has started looking into ways to help citizens be happier parents by improving parental leave and more flexible work arrangements.
To help you find happiness in your parenting journey, here are some secrets to help you get there.
How to be a happier parent
1. Practicing mindfulness
Happy parenting is a state of mind. It is an intentional choice that we make daily.
Like exercising the brain, mindfulness is the quality of being present and fully engaged with whatever you are doing without any distraction. When mindfulness is practiced regularly, it changes the relationship with thoughts (think, pre-conceived notions) and emotions (e.g. anxiety), creating space for us to think, and space between ourselves and our reactions.
This is further backed by Dr. Erin Leybas, a psychotherapist from Chicago who also recommends spending focused bursts of time on your highest priorities – 15-minute blocks that will help cultivate warm relationships and make you feel more mindful and at peace.
While the everyday hustle and bustle of parenting will still exist, at least you know you would have squeezed in activities that are most meaningful to you as well.
2. Get help!
Some of the frustration in parenting stems from the truckload of household chores to be done. Don’t be afraid to get external help when necessary. Accepting help is one of the first steps to becoming a happier parent. Like the popular African proverb goes, “It takes a village to raise a child”.
3. Involving children with age-appropriate chores
According to an 80-year-old study, giving children age-appropriate chores are important as they help children grow up to be successful, happy and responsible adults. Not to mention, helping around the house will take some stress off parents as children start learning responsibilities from young. This is definitely a win-win situation for happy parenting.
4. Take family vacations
According to Dr. Margot Sunderland – a child psychotherapist who wrote an article on Telegraph, family vacations help in children’s brain development, as well as build their concentration skills.
Children often go under-stimulated at home. But a new environment, or a new experience will activate both the “Seeking” and “Play” systems where the brain triggers well-being neurochemicals including dopamine and oxytocin. With all the anti-stress aspects of both systems activated, stress is reduced, and parents are recharged emotionally, giving you more mileage in your parenting journey.
Travel also brings the family together and builds fond memories for you to look back on.
5. Be Flexible
Comparing yourself to the world’s standards has no end. Let go of ideals. Be flexible. Remember Murphy’s law and expect anything that can go wrong, might go wrong. Give yourself some leeway and be kinder to yourself.
After all…
Parenting is not an easy journey, but your changed mindset will help you become a happier parent. Time flies and your children will not be small forever. Cherish every moment and here’s wishing all parents, a happy parenting journey!